TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR MONEY
Wean your child from 'buy me' mentality
INQUIRER.net
First Posted 11:23:00 11/12/2008
Filed Under: Personal Finance
(This is part of Take Charge of Your Money , a partnership between INQUIRER.net and Citibank to help readers handle their personal finances well.)
Question: My two kids are in grade school in an exclusive school. We’ve always been a simple family. However, lately, my 9-year old daughter has been asking us for a PSP like what her classmate has. My son at 12 wants a laptop of his own – the small cute one out in the market – and a skateboard. We don’t want to give in because these things are not really priorities for us. How can we handle this, and how can kids their age be kept away from the “bilmoko” syndrome. – Maita G.
Answer: Maita, thank you for raising a problem that most parents face, and will likely confront more and more this holiday season.
Children are easily swayed by the power of suggestion. Advertisers know this, which is why so many TV commercials are designed to appeal to kids. The end result? Parents hearing Bilmoko which means “bili mo ako” or Buy me this, buy me that. How many of us have been asked by our kids to buy a certain brand of biscuit, toothpaste or juice just because they saw it on TV?
This is true in the school environment too. When kids see their classmates bringing the latest toys and gadgets, they want the same things for themselves. Parents are often torn between granting the kids’ wishes because they love them and not granting their kids’ wishes because they love them too.
You’re right in saying that the things your kids are asking for are not priorities. They are not needs; they are wants. Your kids won’t be at a great disadvantage if they don’t have those things at the moment. But at this time your kids do not know these.
The first thing then to do is to explain the difference between a need and a want. A need is something essential for living. It includes food, clothing, education, and transportation — the basics. A want is anything aside from that which a person can live without for the moment. Examples of wants include toys, gadgets, jewelry, and even a trip to Disneyland.
For adults, needs include the same things but may also include house rent or mortgage. Wants may include such things as cosmetics, luxury bags, golf carts, cable TV subscriptions, high-tech cellphones, and plasma TV.
If you take the time to teach your kids now the difference between a want and a need, they will grow up being more discerning in making purchases and prioritizing their needs. This will lead to their being financially responsible.
To avoid the bilmoko syndrome, resist the urge to buy whatever your children request just because they want them. Explain to your children that your family will have to prioritize needs first before wants because that’s what is right. Teach your children that what is more important is for them to be healthy, strong, good and kind; less important is what they have. What’s important is who they are, not what they have. In fact, tell them that the friends who love them for who they are rather than what they have are their real friends. This is true even for adults.
Now it’s not really bad to buy your children wants or extra things, especially if they have earned these as a reward or if these can be beneficial to the whole family. But before deciding what to buy, assess first if your family can afford them. If not, look for an alternative reward that may cost a lot cheaper and be even better.
For instance, if your daughter has made it to the honor roll, you might want to offer her a trip with you to a gaming arcade where you can both bond and play together. The extra time you spend bonding with her may be worth more than the cost of a PSP.
Since your son wants a laptop for his own, suggest buying a family computer for everyone to use. This may be good so he can do his research on the Internet there, while at the same time allowing you and the rest of the family to use the computer for word processing, e-mailing, etc. There are many offers now in the market for a zero percent installment scheme via credit cards. Look into these offers to see which one suits your family and budget best.
Also, determine if this is the right time to give kids their wants. Delayed gratification is a good tool to help them aim for something and do their best to reach that goal. It will also teach children patience and diligence. Best of all, it’s the best way to make sure your kids don’t grow up being spoiled.
The media and the kids’ environment will always have something for your kids to want and long for. Take time to teach your children what really matters.
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