Help! My nephew is a bum

My biggest problem in the business is my nephew Ramon (not his real name),” says a reader. “He flunked out of school, but because he is the only son of my brother, I have to take him in. Ramon is lazy, and I know he stole from us, even if he denied it. My son Jared, who is in charge of marketing, hates Ramon and wants me to let him go. Jared says that he will leave the business if Ramon stays. But my brother says that Ramon cannot get a job, so we have no choice but to let him stay. What should we do?

“I also have another question: Jared has been working with me for 10 years. I want to retire in three years, but I am not sure he is capable enough to succeed me. The employees like Jared, and they expect him to take over from me. Jared also believes that soon he will be in charge of the business. But he cannot make tough decisions, and I think the business will fail if he takes over. I am training him, but what else can I do?”

My reply

The term “nepotism” comes from the Italian word “nepotismo,” which means nephew. In the Middle Ages, certain popes, cardinals and other church rulers had offspring whom they presented to the world as their “nephews.” They gave these “nephews” land, money, power. Nepotism is so abhorred that the term is still in use today to describe practices in business, politics and elsewhere that unfairly favor family members over others.

Though you have good intentions about keeping your nephew on the payroll, you know that this is nepotism in the worst way. Unless Ramon matures and turns over a new leaf, he should not be working for you (or anyone else).

Tell your brother that because you care for your nephew, you insist that Ramon go back to school and graduate. If he is better suited to a vocational school, then he should explore that option.

Ramon needs to develop skills in order to be a productive member of society (rather than a parasite). He will not have you or his father to lean on forever, and his cousin Jared (your son) will not support him at all.

If your brother cannot afford it, then you can foot the tuition for Ramon’s schooling at this point, which he has to repay when he graduates. Educational standards decreased in the pandemic, so this is Ramon’s chance to get a degree when studies are much easier across the board. Aside from skills, finishing school will boost his sense of self-worth, and will prevent him from turning to crime to get what he wants. Stealing is just the start.

In case your nephew has mental health issues, he needs to see a professional, which you may have to pay for as well, for now. But this is no excuse for him not to do anything with his life.

I don’t understand why your brother said Ramon cannot get a job. There are many job openings even in this pandemic. If Ramon is motivated, he can work for a business outsourcing company, he can be a motorcycle courier, he can join a construction team.

As long as you and your brother enable him to have a good life even without working, Ramon will never be encouraged to do well.

The late American business guru Peter Drucker famously said, “It is much cheaper to pay a lazy nephew not to come to work than to keep him on the payroll.”

I am sorry to hear that Jared is forcing you to choose between him and his cousin, but your son has a point. If Jared is trying his best and working well in the business, seeing his lazy cousin wrangle money from you is intolerable. I suspect the relationship between your son and your brother is also strained, all because of your nephew.

Have a heart-to-heart talk with Ramon. Tell him you love him, and because you love him, you will support him in school, and afterwards, at work, on the condition that he does his best.

Next week, we discuss a harder issue: how to help your son succeed.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is with the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her book “All in the Family Business” via Lazada and Shopee, or the e-book via Amazon, Google Play, Apple iBooks. Contact the author at [email protected].