Handling money challenges in marriage

Question: We are currently struggling with money in our family. We seem to be short of everything and our debts keep on piling up. What do you recommend to people in our situation? —asked at “Ask a friend, ask Efren” free service available at www.personalfinance.ph, Facebook and SMS.

Answer: On a late afternoon flight back to Manila from a day trip to a city in the south, I was seated beside a charming elderly couple. Both were brought into the cabin via wheelchairs ahead of everybody else and seated, one on the aisle seat and the other on the middle seat. I had to practically hop over them to reach my seat as they were already snug in their own.

Upon takeoff, I noticed how the man was making sure his wife was covered with a blanket for the chill that would soon engulf the cabin at cruising altitude. The wife was praying the holy rosary, no doubt praying for a safe flight for everyone on board.

When the flight attendant came around to distribute our snacks, the man dutifully unwrapped the chocolate chip muffin for his wife, following it up with blending sugar and cream in her coffee.

Tired of snooping, I looked out the window and marveled at how the setting sun turned the sky into an awe-inspiring orange hue. On the morning leg of my day trip, I was also seated beside the window and chanced upon the same magical orange sky as the sun was rising. This is probably why the brain associates the color orange with warmth and excitement.

When we were about to land in Manila, curiosity got the better of me again as I ventured to strike a conversation with the couple. They have six children, three boys and three girls. Beaming with pride and without being sexist, the man told me that all his boys are intelligent while his girls are all lovely. All his children are successful in their respective careers and live in large houses. For now, foremost on their mind was their flight to Manila to celebrate the second birthday of one of their grandchildren.

Yet, the story of the elderly couple is far from a fairy tale. They told me of the many ailments they had. The man is turning 80 and just had a heart operation while his wife, who is five years younger, just survived a stroke. Even the hands of the man appeared callous from many years of hard work.

But all you could see from them were their smiles, of celebrating having fought the good fight. And just as they started out as a couple, so too are they living now just as a couple with their children leading their own lives far away from them.

You can say it was both a sunrise, sunset life for them. As the song with the same title goes, each of their years together “followed one another, laden with happiness and tears.” In a warm and exciting way did their life together start. Now they are spending their remaining years together. The challenges they may have faced in between, including those about money, are now but a distant memory.

Do not let money issues overwhelm you. There are always solutions. Some will be easy to apply while others will be difficult. People and institutions are there to help. If you have exhausted friends and family, search for help on the Internet. Financial planners abound.

Take heart from the couple. In marriage, you strive to make the best of memories and make challenges part of a distant past.