Help! Victimized by family, Part 2

Last week, we looked at a reader who calls himself Thomas, the youngest of several siblings who live abroad.  He feels taken advantage of by his sister and her husband here.  More than 10 years ago, their widowed mother entrusted estate management to the latter before she passed away.

Thomas claims that because of a thieving broker and mismanagement of real estate assets by the husband, he did not get his fair share of the proceeds.

Excerpts from Thomas’s letter follow:

What infuriates me is despite discovering the shady scheme [with the thieving broker], neither my sister nor her husband took responsibility.  There were anomalies.

The same happened with the real estate assets. Rental proceeds were misappropriated, with no accounting or transactions until my visit here, when I was instrumental in helping liquidate some properties. (I was already back abroad when the actual negotiations and sale took place.)

We siblings living abroad had no idea of what was taking place. We were not informed or updated.  Instead, I was stonewalled.  They were not transparent in the finances.  A big chunk of the proceeds was missing.

I am divorced and unemployed.  I have misfortunes, unlike my well-to-do siblings.  I intend to have them audited for all lost funds due me because of their negligence and dishonesty.

Do not burn bridges

Thomas, as mentioned last week, get a second opinion from another lawyer (aside from your brother-in-law), who specializes in theft cases.  But do not raise your hopes, given the sorry state of our justice system, and the fact that the incident happened more than a decade ago.

I am more worried about the relationship between you and your sister.  With your life in shambles now, you may need her help in the future, so do not burn bridges.  She and her husband do not seem to be competent (being tricked by the broker, mismanaging the farm and the real estate), but I hesitate to label them instantly as dishonest.

Negligent, incompetent, gullible, yes.  But dishonest?  I am not sure.  Perhaps.

You were expecting a bigger share than what you had received.  But since you and some of your other siblings are living abroad, and you are not involved in the family business, how would you know what a fair share would have amounted to?  Did you take into account the estate taxes and other expenses after your mother’s death?

But pointing fingers and accusing others do more harm than good.  Let us focus on the two major problems and what you can do.  Lack of transparency is the first problem.  You already know what to do.  Get a good local auditor.  You, as one of the children, have the right to examine your mother’s estate.

This may be expensive.  Given the state of your present finances, can you afford one?

You are the youngest.  You may not have clout.  Ask help from siblings who feel the way you do, and all of you should try your best to convince your sister and her husband to open all accounts.  The more people you get on board, the easier for you to deal with this.

Come back and help

Mismanagement is the second problem.  You seem to have a better business sense than your siblings.  You were “instrumental in helping to liquidate some properties.”

But since you already don’t trust your siblings here, I am puzzled why you went back abroad when the actual sale took place.  I am not judging you—you might have important business back home, your kids might have needed you urgently, it might have cost too much to change your plane tickets, or you just plain felt unwelcome here.

I hope the liquidation went well.  But if there had been “anomalies” again, then part of the blame must lie on your absence (and those of your other siblings abroad who prefer to wash their hands of the family business, but who still want their share).

You may not like this suggestion, but here goes:  If you really want things straightened out, then come back home, at least for such time till the other properties are more properly managed.  Hopefully, your sister and her husband would be relieved to have you take care of these matters.

If they refuse your help or give excuses, then your suspicions are right.  Something shady may be going on.  Consult your other siblings, pool your resources, and hire a top-caliber auditor, plus a lawyer, immediately.

If your sister welcomes your help, then come home and resolve this properly.  You are unemployed, you need the finances the most, you want your fair share.  Instead of nursing grievances, come home and do your best for everyone’s sake.

Next Friday: Types of professionals

Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the Board of Directors of Ateneo de Manila University’s Family Business Development Center.  Get her book “Successful Family Businesses” at the University Press (email [email protected].)  Email the author at [email protected].