Financial red flags when dating

When people are dating, it is easy to focus on chemistry, attraction, shared interests and emotional connection. Those things matter, of course. But if you are serious about marriage, you need to look beyond “kilig and pay attention to character, values and habits.

One of the clearest windows into a person’s character is how that person handles money.

Money is never just about money. It reveals priorities, discipline, self-control, contentment and wisdom. That is why financial red flags in dating should not be ignored. You are not being materialistic when you pay attention to these things. You are being wise and prudent.

I am not saying you should only date someone rich or successful. That is not the point. The issue is not how much money a person has, but how that person thinks about money, uses money and responds to financial responsibility.

One major red flag is massive credit card debt, especially when it comes from lifestyle spending rather than genuine emergencies. Debt is not always a sign of irresponsibility, but when someone keeps swiping for wants, dining out, gadgets, travel and shopping without any real plan to pay things off, that is a warning sign.

Another red flag is a frivolous lifestyle. Be careful with someone who always needs the newest thing, the trendiest place, the branded outfit or the most expensive experience. In the age of social media, many people feel the need to look rich even when they are not. They want to keep up with the lifestyle of the wealthy even when their income clearly cannot support it.

That kind of living is dangerous because it is often driven by pride, insecurity, comparison and discontentment. A person who constantly needs to impress others may eventually bring that same pressure into marriage. It is exhausting to build a household on image rather than integrity.

Another sign to watch for is someone who cannot keep a budget. A budget may sound boring, but in reality, it is a sign of maturity. It shows that a person is willing to tell money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Marriage is not only about romance. It is also about rent, groceries, tuition, emergencies, family obligations and long-term planning. If someone cannot manage personal finances in a simple season, marriage will not automatically solve that problem.

You should also pay attention to people who make big purchases on a whim. If someone can easily buy an expensive gadget, book an unplanned trip or commit to a costly expense without much thought, that is not always generosity or confidence. Sometimes it is recklessness dressed up as spontaneity.

Wise people count the cost. Prudent people pause before making major financial decisions. Impulsive spending may seem harmless during dating, but over time, it can bring real damage to a marriage.

Expensive and unsustainable hobbies can also be a warning sign. There is nothing wrong with enjoying hobbies. Recreation is part of life. But when someone spends beyond reason on luxury hobbies, collectible items, high-end gear or status-driven interests without regard for long-term sustainability, that should raise concern.

Little or no savings is another red flag, especially if the person has been earning for years and still has nothing set aside. Again, this is not about how big the amount is. It is about the habit.

Related to this is an unwillingness to invest or plan ahead. Not everyone needs to be an expert investor, but there should at least be an openness to learning how to grow resources wisely over time. Stewardship is not greed. Planning ahead is not worldliness. Wisdom honors God.

At the same time, this conversation must be approached with balance and grace.

Nobody is perfect. Many people grew up in homes where no one taught them about budgeting, saving, investing or financial discipline. Some have made mistakes and are sincerely trying to change.

The issue is not whether a person has a flawless financial record. The issue is whether there is humility, teachability, responsibility and a willingness to grow.

My brotherly advice is this: when discerning a potential lifelong partner, look for someone wise, disciplined and godly. Look for someone who lives within their means. Look for someone who values stewardship more than image. Look for someone willing to delay gratification, save, give, plan and build with patience.

We should not be materialistic in choosing a spouse and wealth should never be the standard. But neither should we be careless. Prudence is not unspiritual and wisdom is not unromantic. Love is important, but love must be accompanied by wisdom. Marriage is hard enough without bringing avoidable financial chaos into it.

In the end, the best partner is not necessarily the one who can impress you with lifestyle, but the one who can build a life with you through wisdom, discipline and grace. INQ

Randell Tiongson is a Registered Financial Planner of RFP Philippines. To learn more about personal financial planning, attend the 116th RFP program this June. Email [email protected] or visit rfp.ph to learn more about the program.