Empathy and reason, more than ever

It’s impossible to talk to my mom,” wails a female student we’ll call M.  “For her, the dictatorship was great.  She says I wasn’t born yet at that time, so I’m wrong.  It’s so frustrating!”

Some students have shouting matches with parents, who blame schools for “putting ideas” into young minds.   Others defy parental bans on joining rallies.  Some obey but feel guilty for “staying on the sidelines.”

Not surprisingly, many students already have problems communicating with their parents, rifts only exacerbated by contentious politics.  These kids have long felt that their parents only impose their will: on grades, career, friends, and now beliefs.

When conflicts revolve solely on family matters, confused youth may turn to self-harm, depression, suicide.

Now conflict engulfs the larger society.   Family members across and within generations must dialogue with honesty and empathy.

Not all students have divided families.  Some are “excited” about their “first rally” and proud to march alongside parents and teachers.  Others are amazed that fellow millennials “have risen from apathy.”

“It’s hard for you to communicate with your mother,” I tell M, “since you’re both emotional.  Instead of tears or anger, study the 70s and 80s.  When both of you are calm, ask your mother if you can discuss issues.  Ask her to listen to you, and vice-versa.”

Post-truth

Dialogue starts by acknowledging that all of us have failed in some way, and working out—however hard it may be—a path towards genuine healing.

“We initiated People Power, chose a kind president, made a new Constitution,” I tell Jo-Ed Tirol, who teaches history,  “Then we went back to our lives.”

For me, this means research on math game theory and People Power (included in my TEDxADMU talk), and discussions of psychological cognitive dissonance and groupthink (with exhortations to students to vote wisely and have faith in our institutions).

Jo-Ed sighs and says:  “But the coups, Pinatubo, so many things.  School history texts are also not done well, and before we knew it, many are now confused about the martial law years.”

We live with “post-truth,” Oxford Dictionary’s word of 2016, where “objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.”

Post-truth was chosen by Oxford mainly because of the Trump victory and Brexit (which have reportedly been aided by Facebook fake news, emotionally-charged fears over immigration, among others).

But current Philippine society is also evidence and victim of post-truth.  It is probably simpler to march for three days on Edsa in 1986 than to sustain the lessons learned for the next 30 years.

If our curriculum is not ideal, and relationships among generations are frayed, then no wonder people turn to social media.

“Fueled by the rise of social media as a news source and a growing distrust of facts offered by the establishment,” as stated by Oxford Dictionary, post-truth turns uglier when parents tell children to “shut up or else,” and students weep  over net trolls that threaten their lives.

Truth

The only way to counter post-truth is with truth, I tell students.   Distinguish fact from fake.  Discuss matters with empathy.  Handle conflict with respect.  Avoid separating people into “us vs them.”  No online name-calling or shaming of any one.

“I sent my mother articles,” says M a day later.  “She says we can talk!”

“Not all wars are won on one battlefield,” says Ateneo President Fr.  Jett Villarin.  “We fight for the truth in our classrooms, in our … communities … in government, business, and civil society… so that we will never foget what cannot and should not be forgotten.”