Chicken $#!+ on the sole

AFTER PUBLISHING my sixth book five years ago, Life’s Big Lies, the seventh to tenth books were overdue. I’ve lined up a few possible titles and started working on them. I’m more than halfway through with “If Careers Were a Game, These are the New Rules.” I’ve also started my outline for “Strategies to Power Up Your Career.” I also plan to compile my Inquirer articles. Lately, however, some things seemed to throw a monkey wrench on these projects. This led me to start writing another book, “Chicken $#!+ on the Sole.”

Apologies

Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen wrote their best-selling series, Chicken Soup for the Soul. The Chicken Soup stories are inspirational. With apologies, my idea of Chicken $#!+ on the Sole is different. I simply want people to laugh, ponder, and learn from witty $#!+ or $#!+ty wit.

During grade school in a third-class (perhaps fourth-class) municipality in the Bicol region, I used to walk barefoot a few kilometers to school everyday. I wasn’t alone – that was the norm for poor families in that God-forsaken place more often visited by typhoons than by politicians after the elections. As poultry and livestock were free to roam the streets, I kept stepping on some dung – different types of dung. I almost became an expert on dung, as I encountered many of them in my young and difficult life.

My baptismal godfather gave me a pair of Elpo shoes as Christmas gift when I was 10. I thought I’d never step on some dung again if I wore my Elpo. No matter how careful I was, and as a boy was wont to saunter, I kept stepping on dung. I evaded the big heaps, mostly from carabaos and cows, which together with pigs, dogs, cats, chicken, snakes and lizards, I thought, were more plentiful than the human population in our town. But I continued to step on dung – mostly chicken $#!+.

Importance of $#!+

Confused, I would sit by a flickering kerosene lamplight at nights and think profoundly why chicken $#!+ continued to stick on my Elpo. Each time I stepped on chicken $#!+, I’d walk more awkwardly, conscious that I had dung on my sole. The chicken $#!+ on the sole affected my self-esteem. It was likely that I’d stink wherever I went.

Often, I would ask myself why $#!+ happens. At first, I had no answers. Later in my Science class in high school, I learned that living organisms must excrete waste in order to live. Animals who are full of $#!+ and don’t excrete body waste die of blood poisoning. The situation is likened to “esteros” (marshy estuary or inlet, often irresponsibly used as dumping ground for solid and liquid wastes in third-world countries) that don’t allow dirty water to flow from them. That’s why esteros stink, like people full of $#!+.

Soon I realized that $#!+ is an important, natural & necessary part of life. Then, I appreciated – perhaps, almost loved – $#!+, and why $#!+ happens. But not when chicken $#!+ is on the sole of my shoes.

What’s your chicken $#!+?

In life, there are things that can be likened to chicken $#!+ on your sole. They could be people, places, or events that you encounter as you live your life, often unceremoniously. The effect is similar to having stepped on chicken $#!+. It’s awful. You’d rather that you had been more careful.
How does chicken $#!+ get into your sole? Can you avoid it? What can you do to remove the dung from your sole? Here are a few chicken $#!+ situations:

• You say things you’re sorry for later. Sometimes, we say things that are true, but can hurt other people. We are by nature very visual. Worse, people like me could be both visual and sarcastic. One time, I was in a large conference. I tried to join a breakout group. I asked somebody if I could join. She jokingly said, “They only allow handsome and beautiful people here.” I replied quickly, “Ah, then you’re obviously in the wrong room.” I lost a possible friend and gained a sure enemy.

• You’re the usual suspect. When I was a toddler, I was hyperactive. In high school, I was part of almost all organizations – from the student government, to the editorial board of the school organ, to almost all clubs including the Physics Club and the Glee Club. As a child, I was ambidextrous – called multi-tasking nowadays. When something goes awry at home, like broken pots or plates, I was the usual suspect. The saving grace is that I’m just into many things – I didn’t have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

• You’re in Catch-22. It’s a paradoxical situation from which you cannot escape because of contradictory rules. When I first applied for a job in Human Resources (HR) 40 years ago, I almost didn’t get hired. That job required years of experience in HR. But to gain HR experience, I needed that job. Silly. Catch 22 results from rules we’re subject to but have no control over. To fight the rule means to accept it. Joseph Heller coined the term in his 1961 novel, Catch-22. To wiggle out of a Catch 22 situation, you have to be very smart – creative, not necessarily logical. Better if you’re both.

• You guess, the Lady or the Tiger? This is a situation based on an 1882 short story written by Frank Stockton. Today, it connotes an unsolvable problem. In the original story, there was a king who used trial by ordeal to determine guilt or innocence. Persons accused of a crime are made to choose between two doors in a public arena. Behind one door is a lady who could be a reward for the accused. Behind the other door is a hungry tiger. If the accused chooses the door with the lady, he is deemed innocent. Poetic justice. If he chooses the door with the tiger, he must be guilty and is eaten alive by the tiger. Tough luck. To win in this situation, you need extreme luck or tips from well-meaning people who know where the tiger or lady is. But what if the tipster hates you?

• You got a Cornelian dilemma. Often, you’ll have to choose between two courses of action where either will be harmful to you or your loved one. In 1636, Pierre Corneille wrote Le Cid, where Rodrigue had to choose between defending his family’s honor or the love of Chimène whose father wronged his family. If Rodrigue chooses revenge, he would lose his love. This brings to mind Shakespeare’s Romeo (Montague) and Juliet (Capulet). In this situation, you have to sacrifice one thing or the other – or yourself.

• You won a Pyrrhic victory. This refers to a victory that inflicts a more devastating toll on the winner. You could win an argument or a legal battle, but the heavy toll could actually negate the victory or achievement. If life were a war, beware some victories because they could be hollow or meaningless. The situation is named after King Pyrrhus of Epirus, who suffered irreplaceable casualties after defeating the Romans at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum in 279 BC.

Stop wishing there were no $#!+ in this $#!+ty world – just deal with it. Sometimes, $#!+ is good. If shit doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.
(Ernie is the 2013 Executive Director and 1999 President of the People Management Association of the Philippines (PMAP); Chair of the AMCHAM Human Capital Committee; and Co-Chair of ECOP’s TWG on Labor and Social Policy Issues. He also chairs the Accreditation Council for the PMAP Society of Fellows in People Management. He is President and CEO of EC Business Solutions and Career Center. Contact him at [email protected])