How to judge a man by his car

Let’s face it, we all like to judge a book by its cover. We also judge him by his watch, his shoes, the thickness of his hair and the number of his platinum credit cards. The external package that encases a possible prince charming or boyfriend from hell, is the first thing you see. It is the banner that catches your attention to have a second look, gives your brain time to decide if you like what you see. This does not mean you are superficial—there is a scientific explanation to it. Any species gets attracted to a possible good mate, which includes characteristics such as body size (to create big healthy offspring), physical symmetry (to create a good-looking offspring) and pack status (protection and providing for the offspring.) In our time, this is now measured with power, wealth and social status.

The car and man relationship

Instead of cars being the root of fights, let me enlighten you on how this can be your best friend and ally like his secretary (although your cars cannot be your maid of honor). Cars are the sanctuary of men, it’s where their ego rests. Besides being the primary mode of transportation to go to and fro, it is also a negotiating tool with expensive bag and shoe purchases: “you buy expensive magwheels for your car, but it gets muddied and peed upon by dogs.” It is also an indication factor of a lot of relationship and spending habits. According to a study featured in the Daily Telegraph by Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff, “females focus on questions of wealth and status because if the male possesses those, that male would be in a better condition to rear healthy offspring.” Like in animal packs, the alpha male, usually get all the perks, more mates and the first dibs on food in exchange for being the big bad wolf. More than often, wealth and status are the new sign of how a male can provide and protect offsprings and even though women now are becoming independent and financially stable, we still feel the need that when the time comes, we want a man that can protect us. But men on stallion do not necessarily mean they are automatically knights.

With a little help from friends, here’s the verdict:

Driving a high-end sports car (Ferrari, Lamborghini, Audi R8). Out of 13 respondents of both sexes, majority answered that owners of cars like this, tend to compensate for something. In my opinion, men who buy these cars have a need to prove that they are at the top of the pack. They tend to want the best of the best. They probably date supermodels, buy cult-followed expensive watches such U-boat, Panerai, Rolex Daytona and Vacheron Constantin, wears expensive, yet regular-looking clothes.

Owns a previous model high end car, keeps it about 2-3 years (BMW or Mercedes-Benz). This guy understands that it’s all about perception.  According to 18 of 23 respondents, he will be somewhat a player and all porma. This guy knows how to bring bang to his buck by understanding the resale value of these vehicles. Probably wears a stainless steel Rolex, bought second hand. Wardrobe staples are Ralph Lauren or Lacoste polo shirt for casual get-up, crisp long sleeves and dinner jacket for a night out on the town.

Owns an old high-end model car but has kept it in pristine condition for about 10 years. Five out of six women respondents believe that this guy gets attached to things and is probably clingy. While 13 respondents of both sexes also mentioned he might be a keeper because he knows how to take care of things, this might be true if you are the chamois and the car wax type of gal. Follows guy No. 2’s dressing style, but a bit toned down, include Tag Heuer in his watch brands.

Drives a higher model of a mass manufactured vehicle (Accord or Camry). Although practicality is one of the strongest answers for this one, you also have to consider that this guy is probably stingy as well. He may be the type that will count every peso invested in you. Better bring some spare cash during dates, so just in case he calls your bluff to go Dutch.

Drives a classic car. Although I’m tempted to just call him old (which lots of my friends, including a columnist in another newspaper, who has a garage full of old cars, would probably have my head for) I would describe this guy as probably nostalgic. Sixteen of my 20 respondents believe this guy has taste, which most probably accounts for our preference for vintage couture as well. Be ready for classic car drives early Sunday morning, which means this guys will be mostly seen on the SLEx gas stations than in Republiq.

Drives an SUV. SUV is usually marketed as a rugged active vehicle for urban adventurers, but is usually used by wives to fit in the grocery and shopping. There are two possibilities for this guy. Either he is too engrossed on weekend biking trips with his friends (meaning you would have to be one of the boys) or he is using his wife’s car, fish for a wedding band in the glove compartment.

Drives a current model Audi or BMW. Audi and BMW abroad are in constant battle to up each other (try to google Audi/ BMW billboard Checkmate).  BMW epitomizes driving pleasure, every car enthusiast at some point in time, owned a BMW. Audi drivers, however, want to be unique. In the country, Audi is not as popular as BMW and this has become their ace, accounting for growth in terms of sales. Audi owners tend to be on the mature side. BMW drivers tend to be the younger set. They both have style, the means and probably the status as well. Both, however, might not be the settling type, one might believe it’s just too early on the game while the other has already finished the race and just wants to hang around.

The Tuner. This driver sleeps and breathes cars. He probably has a Japanese modified car that to some extremes would be ready to take off when their spoilers can’t provide enough down force (Spoiler and wings are used for racing to create down force to make sure that the car does not fly at high speed and to make the car handle better) or bust your eardrums out. This guy would save money to buy the best subwoofer or to have a customized body kit. He would probably take you out on an eyeball to some big parking space, drink beer and ogle their rides. If you are the type that does not need too much attention, this guy might work for you.

The Porsche owner. Deciphering a Porsche owner’s psyche might need a separate article altogether. The Porsche is so iconic like Sean Connery, hot yesterday, today and tomorrow. Although the most popular stereotype is that this man is in midlife crisis and is on the prowl for a younger girlfriend. There is, however, a younger set owning this car that is usually married with kids. This is their “Man Car,” a reminder that they are still indeed virile, lord protector and Alpha male in spite of their domestication (my husband included). We can call this syndrome “quarter life crisis.”

Through the years, lots of self-help books and rules have been threshed out to help in deciphering the MALE/FEMALE mystery. There are rules, distinction and even a book, which tried to explain it with blank pages.  We just added some more to the bunch. These observations, I repeat observations, have been drawn from 13 years of doing business with men and the motoring industry, plus insights from an alcohol-infused interview group from different backgrounds and a Facebook survey. Take them with a grain of salt, not too much because it goes straight to the hips and water retention is a b*%@!h.

For comments, suggestions, topics or people you want to see featured in Chicdriven, e-mail to [email protected]. Chosen e-mails will get a gift certificate at Antonio’s Restaurant in Tagaytay plus a tire wrench from Toptul.