What self-care truly means

Our HR (human resources department) invited a speaker to discuss self-care for employees,” says Leo, who founded a manufacturing business that employs more than a thousand personnel. “The speaker listed ways to show self-love, such as getting a massage, shopping [and] doing affirmations. Then HR even asked to extend the company’s long weekend at a resort, in the name of self-care. “I had to remind HR that we take care of our employees, with competitive salaries and benefits, flexible and hybrid work. Our turnover is low, and many employees stay long with us. “But we are not Google,” continues Leo. “I told HR that we will go bankrupt if we subsidize weeklong vacations, regular massages [and] resort rooms.”

“At the start of this year, Google laid off 12,000 workers and cut down on free snacks, workout classes and other perks,” I say. “Smart companies continue to offer hybrid and remote work, but massages and the like are gone. You provide benefits way above what the law requires, which your employees appear to appreciate.”

“I don’t get what self-care is driving at,” says Leo. “Of course we have to care for ourselves. But should this be at the expense of the workplace?”

“Unfortunately, the term is often misunderstood, including by your speaker,” I say.

In her article “When Self-Care Is an Excuse for Narcissism,” US psychiatrist Samantha Boardman says, “Putting yourself on a pedestal can actually erode well-being because it greenlights self-focus and cuts people off from others … A massage is relaxing and enjoyable in the moment, but the positive feeling fades quickly.”

Genuine self-care involves caring for others.

“When acts of kindness are other-oriented, not self-oriented, people feel better for longer,” says Boardman. “Self-care might be all the rage, but it’s important not to forget ‘other-care’ as a source of vitality and resilience.”

“The self is not the end goal of self-care,” I say. “We take care of ourselves so we can care for others. Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh says, ‘If we do not know how to love ourselves, we cannot take care of the people we love. Loving oneself is the foundation of loving another person.’

“I know of a company whose employees built houses with Gawad Kalinga,” I say. “Another partnered with a [nongovernment organization] to save mangroves. Employees bonded with each other and relished making a difference. Give your people paid time off—even just a couple of days every quarter—to help others as they choose: help schools to code, visit the elderly, volunteer at pet shelters. This enhances your [corporate social responsibility], but more importantly, through acts of kindness, your employees care for others and themselves as well.”

Helping others is a component of Participate, one of the six Ps of self-care in the book “Thrive! A Parent’s Journey to Resilience,” written by Filipino clinicians Cherie Ann Lo, Joanna Herrera, Karyl Abog, Lyn Domingo, Rhoanne Ramas and Melinda Tan, who work in We Thrive Consultancy and Circle of Hope Community Services.

“When we recognize our common humanity, we are more likely to pull together and solve complex issues,” they say. “Helping others can empower us to overcome helplessness and hopelessness. When we practice kindness and generosity toward others, our brains light up in areas associated with pleasure and reward.”

The other Ps of self-care include Pause (“The ability to pause, step back and reflect, enables us to shift perspectives, create options and choose wisely”), Perspective (“The perspective we choose defines how we experience reality”), Presence (“We can be intentional in giving our genuine presence to others through supportive listening”), Purpose (“Instead of merely reacting to external circumstances, consciously connect with your deeper purpose”) and Possibility (“While the temptation might be to focus on fear and everything going wrong, we can redirect our attention to cultivating a mindset that sees growth and possibilities beyond problems”).

Get “Thrive” at Anvil Publishing. Email [email protected] or call 0917-8355016.