Be kind and be firm
I agree with your column that not all failures are created equal (July 20, 2023),” says DJ, founder of a health business in the south. “But our employees in their 20s and 30s cannot accept feedback, even if given nicely. They cry, get mad, say bad things, quit. One was so ‘bastos (rude)’ that he complained about his supervisor on social media just for telling him to shape up. We told him it was clear that he was unhappy so it would be best to leave.
“Young employees fear my strictness, while older ones who stayed with us for decades respect me. The senior managers say it is easier to just turn a blind eye to young people’s mistakes, because whoever they hire, the attitude is the same. Rather than wasting time hiring and firing, they think that setting rules is futile, because it is easier to just tolerate and live with repeated errors, however frustrating. I agree that it is tiring to be the bad cop, as they say. Your comments, please.”
My reply
Child and family psychologist Maria Lourdes “Honey” Carandang, my mentor, tells the story of how, when she was working on her thesis long ago, her toddler son placed a dirty shoe beside her on the table. She glanced at it and went back to work. Her son then placed another dirty shoe, scuffing it loudly, and told her, “Mom, tell me to stop. You should scold me.”
Her son, wise beyond his years, instinctively craved limits. His mother heeded him and responded to this need. She firmly told him to stop. (See: “Disciplining with dignity,” June 4, 2020)“Discipline is not only a child’s need,” says Carandang, “but also his right. When not given limits, many become tyrants. They have freedom, but ironically, they feel emotionally insecure.”
The same holds in business. Management professor Amy Edmondson says in Harvard Business Review, “Paradoxically, people feel psychologically safer when leaders are clear about what acts are blameworthy. And there must be consequences.”
“If someone is punished or fired,” she says, “tell those directly and indirectly affected what happened and why it warranted blame.”
Instead of just letting your deviant employee go, you need to stress to the team why the action had to be done. Rather than just hushing it up—which is what many companies do—be upfront with the others. Everyone knows that he was let go—I will not be surprised if he slams you and your company on social media as well—so rather than pretending it never happened, explain why you had no choice but to act in that way.
And I am certain that instead of getting mad at you or fearing for their jobs, the other employees will feel more secure. They know that you tolerate mistakes, but certain lines cannot be crossed.
You say your young employees find you “strict.” Some students find me strict, too, although this does not stop many from confiding in me or asking for my help in personal matters. I uphold rules and give grades students deserve, and up front tell them to practice integrity and never to weaponize excuses.
Several appreciate that even as I expend effort helping those with mental health problems, I am “strict” when it comes to class requirements and that I “do not let people get away with b**t,” as one student put it. In short, they like the sense of safety that class rules provide.
Your family business is in health, so mistakes can literally be a matter of life or death. Julia Morath, former chief operating officer of Children’s Hospital and Clinics of Minnesota pioneered anonymous “blameless reporting” in her team to enhance patient safety. Reporting errors is welcome, but behaviors such as “reckless conduct, conscious violation of standards, failing to ask for help when over one’s head” are not.
“If someone makes the same mistake three times and is then laid off, coworkers usually express relief, along with sadness and concern,” reports Edmondson. “They understand that patients were at risk and that extra vigilance was required from others to counterbalance the person’s shortcomings.”
Queena N. Lee-Chua is with the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her book “All in the Family Business” at Lazada or Shopee, or the ebook at Amazon, Google Play, Apple iBooks. Contact the author at [email protected].
