My student John Oranga

The segue was so smooth that when the male students—four-fifths of our psychology class composed of management engineering (ME) sophomores—gathered in front to serenade us, accompanied by a guitarist (who would later work for the government), I thought this was part of the group presentation.

The few female students, who remained in their seats, were also stunned. Only when the beadle presented me with a rose did I realize that it was Valentine’s season. Afterwards, the boys bestowed a rose on each of their female classmates, too. I looked at the girls’ glowing faces and the boys’ shy smiles and the love in the room was palpable.

Through it all, John Oranga was happily snapping away—my first glimpse of him as a serious photographer.

On the first day of class, I advised the students to study the textbook every day. With eight chapters averaging 50 pages each, not everything could be tackled at length, but everything would be included in the 100-item exam created by a dozen teachers to be given to all sections at the end of the term.

Our class time would be used to explore complex concepts beyond the text, with regular tests to check that everyone kept pace. John did creditably in the first few tests and when he discovered that it was possible to ace them, he doubled his efforts and performed to the level that he set for himself. He had perfect attendance (as did practically everyone) and in the final exam, the class did exceedingly well.

Years later, when several of them, including John, surprised me with a mini-reunion, they recited in unison Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages, a topic that particularly resonated with us and which they said they would always remember.

Because they did not display angst about coursework, I had the energy to address the needs of John and several others during consultations—to explore courses beyond their major, to chart future careers, to navigate current loves, to recover from childhood wounds, to manage mental health, to trust in themselves. On the last day of class, I told them, “Take care of yourselves and take care of each other.”

John, Ateneo ME batch 2017, passed away last month at age 28. It was a shock for all. One of his classmates donated platelets three times and when I assured him that he had done all that he could, he blurted out, “But it wasn’t enough!” I could only reply, “It hurts so much because we care for John. And my Jesuit mentors say that it is okay to cry out, to get angry with God.”

It goes against nature for students to die before their teachers, and my one consolation is the fact that in his brief life, John loved and was loved.

I worked with three generations of his family (from grandparents to cousins) on their family constitution. Minor issues had to be threshed out but I marveled at their underlying love for each other, from their travels as a boisterous clan (depicted in John’s gorgeous photos) to the easy camaraderie between and among generations (enabling open communication).

John’s parents raised their children well. His elder sister dauntlessly tackled nonroutine problems in our math class; his younger brother is a batchmate my son esteems highly; and the youngest sibling is about to embark on his college journey.

The last time I saw John, at the mini-reunion, he proudly introduced me to his girlfriend—a young couple deeply in love.

While John left us all too soon, he lived with integrity—Erikson’s hallmark of our last stage of life. John lived a full life because of unconditional love, which Carl Rogers said is essential for us to grow into our best selves. John experienced unconditional love—at home, in school, at work, at play, in romance—enabling him to maximize his gifts and share with everyone his spontaneity, kindness, generosity. Rest in peace, John.

To view the world through John’s eyes, visit johnoranga.com.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her print book “All in the Family Business” at Lazada or Shopee, or e-book at Amazon, Google Play, Apple iBooks. Contact her at [email protected].