Single moms, double the love and care

The mothers looking at me across the second floor of the activity center in Mati, Davao Oriental, had varied expressions. Some looked a little worried, perhaps having had to leave their children and chores at home. Some squinted at me with tentative, shy smiles. Many had polite expressions. A few seemed afraid to expect anything.

One particular woman met my eyes many times during the workshop with her own smiling eyes, and even underneath her mask, I knew she was smiling.

It was only the day after I had given an interactive two-hour financial literacy workshop to the predominantly female weaving community in Mati when I learned her name. Nanay Evelyn videotaped me a message in tears, saying she will follow what she learned from the workshop in the hopes of increasing her income and eventually being able to help other women also in the community.

As a single mother, she says life has been really difficult for her. “Ang daming struggles kaya kailangan lumaban talaga. Kung saan-saan na ako nakarating para makapagtrabaho kasi nag-aaral pa ang anak ko eh (It’s always a struggle so I really need to fight. I’ve gone to so many places to work because I have to send my child to school),” Nanay Evelyn says.

Nanay Evelyn is part of an organized group of women weavers from the Mandayan tribe that is being assisted by the Office of Mati Mayor Michelle Rabat. I was invited last February to provide the financial workshop as an integral part of the program Habi ng Pag-Asa, a collaboration between Mayor Rabat and The Rotary Club of San Juan Supreme. The hope was that as they learn how to become better weavers and entrepreneurs, and as their income grows with their audacious dream of accessing the international markets, they will also be able to save and invest for the future.

“We want the women in Mati to have aspirations far beyond our city. We want them to have hope. In a small way, it is already happening. May pambili na raw sila ng pulang lipstick! (They now have money to buy red lipstick). But we know they can do more and we are here to help them do more,” says Mayor Rabat.

Red lipstick

The red lipstick, as it turns out, is a symbol that many women, especially single mothers, love. It stands for feminine empowerment, excellence and hope.

Single mothers have very unique financial needs, since they have to feed, clothe and educate their children all on their own. At the same time, it is critical that they do not deprive themselves of their most important financial needs like health checkups and what I call a “pamper yourself” fund. Many women succumb early to reproductive health issues and depression, and that is not something that should be neglected in a financial plan, especially for single moms.

I was raised by a whirlwind of a single mother. My now 85-year-old mom is full of life and laughter even at her age. She had five girls and one baby boy to raise. And yet on the salary of a public school teacher, every other month, she also managed to bring home one or two students “who had nowhere else to go and nothing to eat.”

Her generosity made me feel rich, even if we also had very little. She also made sure we read a lot of books, spoke English, did Math and could hold our own in a whole classroom of stellar students at Bicol University in Legazpi City.

Years of observing my own mother and so many other single mothers who sat in my financial planning workshops have helped me create a five-step plan to make them embrace the symbol of their red lipsticks. Here they are:

5 to thrive

1. Learn to do side hustles to avoid debt like a plague. It doesn’t have to be anything grand in the beginning. A P200 extra income per day is P73,000 per year!

2. Build an emergency fund that can pay bills when you get sick. Every month, even before you pay your bills, set aside a fixed amount, say P500 or P1,000, for your emergency fund. You can also do that every payday. You can automate it through the creation of a separate bank account just for emergencies. Automation allows you to do it even when you are busy and it works like magic. On your first year, you will hardly be able to believe how much you have been able to save.

3. Borrow only to increase your net worth, but if you do get into debt, create a payment plan and follow it. Never get into the habit of borrowing for birthdays, Christmases or vacations. Yes, you deserve to be happy, but do you also deserve to worry all the time about how to pay those bills? Now if you cannot avoid it—for example, it is for medical emergencies while you are still filling up your health fund—borrow but only with a payment plan and follow it strictly. There is nothing that removes your sense of security more than debts hanging over your head. As a single mother, you do not want to be beholden to anyone.

4. Buy medical insurance for yourself and the children. If they are still young, buy a term insurance with the highest coverage you can afford to pay for your children’s education. This is not a luxury. This is a necessity.

5. Enjoy life. Take care of yourself. Set aside a little amount every week for your own relaxation, even if it means simply getting an ice cream cone if your body is not averse to sugar.

Single mothers are some of the strongest humans in the world, with a capacity for giving and caring unparalleled by others. They deserve the tax breaks and other benefits that government can provide. And they also deserve a great financial plan for all their hard work and sacrifice. If you know of a single mother, give them a huge smile and a caring Happy Mother’s Day! —CONTRIBUTED