Letter to my 25-year-old self: On raising children
As I prepare to renovate the house where we lived in for more than 10 years, I can’t help but reminisce and share with you the lessons I have learned during that period, one of which is how to raise children.
Very soon you will get married and have children. Although you are very disciplined about how you spend on yourself, you will spend more lavishly on your children, because you love them and want to give them the best. Sometimes, you will buy them big expensive toys, because it makes you happy to see them excited to own the biggest gifts under the Christmas tree. You will also buy them a lot of branded clothes and shoes because you want them to look nice when they go out.
However, resist the temptation to pamper them with things. Buy only what they need, and occasionally what they want. After all, they will eventually outgrow their clothes and shoes, and get tired of their toys. Although the things you buy them may have sentimental value, because you had to line up for an hour to get a limited-edition toy or because the shoes you bought are only available in Europe and you went out of your way to get it, you will have no choice but to give them away because they will get old and break or you won’t have enough storage space.
Sometimes they will cry or get disappointed if you don’t give them what they want, but don’t worry, they will get over it quickly. And I’m telling you now that they won’t love you any less if they had fewer things.
Since you work in the finance industry, you will set aside the money that your children will get during Christmases and birthdays and invest them in the stock market. I assure you that this is the right decision as the money you invest will grow over time. More importantly, it will teach your children the power of compounding and the importance of investing. This is a lesson that they will keep even as they grow old, and encourage them to prioritize investing over spending, which is a life lesson that every child should learn.
You will also set aside money for your children’s college education. Although this will be difficult initially because it will eat up a big portion of your salary, this decision will pay off eventually, making it easier for you to pay for their tuition especially if they decide to study abroad which is very expensive.
Don’t try to do everything for your children because you are afraid that they will make mistakes. They will make mistakes, but they need to do things on their own so that they will become independent. You will be surprised at how resilient they are, and how well they can do things including finding deals online or cooking food they want to eat.
You will have dreams for your children. However, accept the possibility that they might not share the same dreams. Don’t force them to take a course that you want them to take because you want them to become a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Don’t even force them to join the family business. After all, if they are not qualified or passionate to run the business, they could run your business to the ground.
Continue to love them and accept them for who they are. This will give them the confidence to pursue their own dreams, to not feel ashamed when they make mistakes and to continue trying, and to openly talk to you as a friend and a mentor. Although they might not fulfill your dreams, they could become better than what you expected.
Finally, even if you have children, don’t forget to love yourself. Provide for and take care of them, but don’t feel guilty if you spend a few hours a day doing the things you love like watching K-dramas, running outdoors, or getting your nails done. Remember that if you are happy, your children will also be happy because they love you, too, and only want the best for their mother. INQ
