What should we pray for?

In this pandemic, prayers are fervent, especially with the death toll not abating.

“How could we not ask for help in the face of life’s misfortunes?” Jesuit priest Fr. James Martin says in his book “Learning to Pray.”

“In the divine presence, we experience the human condition, which is finite, limited, needful. The obvious and appropriate response is to pray for what we need,” he says.

So what can we pray for? Rather than riches, power or vengeance, let us imitate Fr. Martin and ask the Lord for wisdom, freedom, perspective, courage, inspiration and deliverance.

Let us pray for wisdom to choose the right leaders in the elections next year: public servants who genuinely care for the people. “This is not praying for an answer, but for help in arriving at the answer.”

Let us pray for freedom, in society and also in ourselves: liberation from toxic thoughts and behaviors, even “freedom from the need to be loved, liked, or approved of; freedom from selfishness or an excessive focus on self.”

Let us pray for perspective, in the humble knowledge that even if we are hurting, countless people are in worse situations. Gratitude helps in this regard. “[Sometimes when I] spend too much time online,” says Fr. Martin, “I need to pray for a sense of what’s important and what’s not … We are not God, nor are we the center of God’s universe.” Let us pray for courage, to do what we may not like but what we know is right. I tell my students that their most heroic act in this pandemic is to take their studies seriously and hone their skills, rather than making excuses for substandard performance, so that when society requires it, they can make positive contributions. I urge my family business clients to openly bring up difficult matters for the benefit of all, for as Fr. Martin reminds us, “a confrontation with a difficult person [also requires courage].” Let us pray for inspiration, asking God what He wants us to do or say. I think about teens at the brink of suicide, patriarchs in despair over the lack of successors in the enterprise, friends who have lost loved ones. How can we help, Lord?

Let us pray for deliverance, from the pandemic, from financial, health, family problems.

“But there must be limits,” says Fr. Martin. “Is your relationship with God characterized only by asking? Imagine having a friend with whom your only interactions were requests—even for the smallest things. You would start to see your friend as simply a dispenser of favors. That’s how we might look at God if all we did was ask for help.”

Which brings us to the big question: Why does God sometimes not answer prayers?

Fr. Martin lists common answers: God answers prayers, but grants only what is best for us. Or God answers prayers, but sometimes with a no. Or God always answers prayers, but in ways we do not know. Or God does not answer prayers in the way we want, and why that is so remains a mystery.

All four explanations have merit, but like Fr. Martin, I prefer the last one.

“God’s ways are far beyond our ways,” he says. “For me, this is not only the most intellectually and spiritually honest answer, but also the one that squares with experience. It’s honest because it admits that we sometimes have a hard time understanding God, who is mystery. It squares with experience because all of us will admit that at times it seems that God does not answer our prayers, at least in the way that we would like.”

If we experience distractions in prayer, such as musing about lunch, Fr. Martin says to treat them like “clouds floating by.” But sometimes distractions are meaningful, “when a distraction is not a distraction,” which we should heed.

Months ago, a friend kept coming to mind. We had not been in touch for ages, but when I texted, it turned out that she needed my advice. I was relieved to be able to help.

“Learning to Pray” by James Martin, SJ will be restocked at National Book Store. Call 0998-8888-627 or e-mail [email protected] for preorders.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is with the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her book “All in the Family Business” via Lazada, or the e-book on Amazon, Google Play, Apple iBooks. Contact the author at [email protected].