Fatherhood is most fulfilling

(Last of three parts)

Even if he trained to become a dentist, Wilson Tan pursued a more entrepreneurial path and started his own shop.

Wilson and his wife Marina, an oncologist, vowed to be hands-on parents, rather than leaving their children Ian Angelo (now 14) and Theodore “Teddy” (now 11) with a yaya. When the boys were toddlers, the couple would leave them in the care of their parents especially when they were busy.

However, Wilson realized his wife could not sacrifice her patients’ well-being in any way, and the boys needed adult guidance, so he decided to work shorter hours in the shop. When the routines were established, Wilson left day-to-day operations to the employees, visiting briefly just to oversee that things went smoothly.

Eventually, the pull of family responsibilities became more insistent, and finally, Wilson decided to sell the business in order to spend more time with the kids.

Now he engages in home-based enterprises, investing in rental properties, while taking care of the children full-time.

“That way, it’s easier to be productive and [I can] still be with the kids,” says Wilson.

Two years before the pandemic, he became the teacher—in academic subjects for home-school, in domestic chores (such as soldering) and interests (like playing the violin).

Unlike the traditional Asian couple, whereby the father goes out to work and the mother runs the home, Wilson and Marina continue to do what is practical—and in their case, everyone benefits.

“Wilson knows I cannot delegate my patients to other doctors,” says Marina. “He [deserves] full credit for teaching our kids the basics of housework like cooking, carpentry, home repair, gardening.

“Most of these tasks were already taught to our kids before the pandemic, but they were enhanced during lockdown. Each situation is a learning activity, a practical exam and a game at the same time. There is great bonding [among all of us] during these activities.”

Even stereotypical gender-specific tasks, such as cooking are often done by the boys.

“Cooking is my top favorite activity,” says Ian. “I learned some skills from YouTube, but mostly from Papa.”

Ian already learned simple sautéing from his father before he turned 10, and today he prepares his own snacks.

Wilson taught the boys how to properly prepare ingredients, like slicing, peeling, marinating. Today, the boys prepare dinner for the family once a week.

“They decide what to cook based on what ingredients are available at home,” says Marina.

Good parenting is not all fun and games. Consistency in communication and instruction is essential, since research shows that if parents do not agree on simple house rules, children often tend to (consciously or not) play one off against the other, contributing to confusion and anxiety. The stability provided by parents—being on the same page with their children—is paramount.

“Since Wilson is mostly home with the children, as compared to me, he establishes the house rules and implements them. I support him in all the rules set,” says Marina.

In the past two weeks, we discussed how the couple balance love with responsibility, guiding their sons to finish work before indulging in leisure, holding the boys accountable to promises made, and so forth.

“Parenting is basically play for me,” says Wilson. “It is more enjoyable than anything work-related. Seeing the boys grow, learn and develop their skills is most satisfying.”

Wilson also exposes the children to his personal interests, “hoping they will pick these up or learn a thing or two.”

For instance, Wilson trades stocks online, an activity that Teddy observes intently. Before the pandemic, Teddy was able to receive dividends from an investment in a mutual fund, and he was encouraged by his parents to make decisions on stock picks.

“Unfortunately, the pandemic hit us and he found it unwise to invest in certain stocks,” says Marina. But Teddy continues to learn.

“Spend quality time with your kids because they will remember the lessons taught by you when they grow up,” says Wilson. “This will be part of your legacy.”

To Wilson and all dads, Happy Father’s Day! INQ

Queena N. Lee-Chua is with the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her book “All in the Family Business” via Lazada and the ebook version on Amazon, Google Books and Apple Books. Contact the author at [email protected].