The second generation head of a family-owned apparel business, aged 54, says: “I don’t know how to handle young people. When they commit mistakes, they cry or get angry when I point these out. When my father was alive, he would yell at my brother and me in front of everyone when we did something wrong, but we did not take it against him because we knew it was for the good of the company. But now when I criticize my son, he won’t speak to me for days. My daughter cries. They are already in their 30s, but how can they run the business if they are so sensitive? Our younger employees, some of whom are paid very well and hold major positions, also act the same way. I tried e-mailing instead of talking to them directly, but it did not work. Should I just keep my mouth shut?”
My reply
Your family business was previously patriarchal, with your father as the founder. There is nothing wrong with that, except the structure was likely paternalistic, which means your father would treat you and other employees the way parents treat their children, including criticizing you in public and expecting you not to feel resentment in the process.
But as your company expands, the structure has to adapt. You are not the first person to be confused about the different reactions of millennials or the generation after them, the alphas, who are now entering the workforce. This does not make young people worse, just different.
Obviously, you cannot keep quiet if your business is at stake, but you can find more effective ways of delivering instruction. First, never criticize your children or your non-family employees (actually, anyone) in public. This might have worked during your father’s time, but today this would give rise to anger and resentment, even if well-meant.
Second, deliver the criticism gently. Stick to the facts, do not attack the person. Instead of saying, “You are so careless!” you can say, “This is the second time that financial details were encoded wrongly. Please check the figures twice before giving them out, because it would cost us dearly, and I know you care about our company.”
Instead of saying, “You are so lazy!” you can say, “I notice you have been coming to work late three times in the last week. Is everything all right at home? Has traffic been particularly heavy? How can we work together to ensure you manage your deliverables promptly?”
Third, deliver feedback as soon as possible, right after the incident happens. If you keep your mouth shut now and criticize the employee later on, the latter will probably be surprised and angry—and might even have already forgotten about the whole thing.
Worse, if you keep your mouth shut now, then resentment will fester inside you, and in the future, you might make matters worse by inflating past incidents and adding them on to current mistakes.
No to e-mail
E-mails might seem to be a good way to connect with younger employees, but use them to praise people, not the other way around.
“One sent to the whole team regarding the mistakes of a particular person is simply naming and shaming,” says Vivien Shao of Business Times. “On the other hand, not specifying who is at fault leaves everyone flummoxed and a witch hunt would likely ensue.
“Even if sent with the best intentions, e-mail can still be easily misconstrued and circulated.”
Praise in public, gently criticize in private. Provide regular feedback, both positive and negative. Emphasize that your intentions are for your family and non-family workers to develop their potential and help the business grow for the benefit of all.