What truly counts

The late Doreen Fernandez was my beloved mentor.  She challenged me to write about math when I observed that Filipino newspapers do not cover science, and supported me all the way.

Doreen was the Inquirer’s food critic, and during one lunch, the food was not up to par.  Would she do a critical review?

“No,” Doreen said.  “Unlike critics who love criticizing people, I keep quiet if I have nothing good to say.  One bad review might break someone’s livelihood.”

I have since tried to emulate Doreen.  I highlight successful family businesses by name, but for those with problems, I change their identity.

Even if critiques may be more sensational, I prefer to be kind.

To businesses and families in conflict, remember Doreen.  She would have agreed with Regina Brett:  “If you can help someone, do:  if you can hurt someone, don’t.”

Wherever you are

Award-winning US columnist Brett has made it her mission to inspire others.

I have used her book “God Is Always Hiring” to help founders in family businesses learn to prioritize, younger generations find meaning in work, and professionals navigate politics in the workplace.

Business aside, teaching is my calling.  Countless students, many who will enter family businesses, have told me they want to teach—but teaching pays so little.

Fine, I say.  Make a living to suit your lifestyle.  Once you can make enough, you can always teach.  But try to make the world better wherever you are.

“Not everything that counts can be counted,” Brett says.  “You make a living by what you get; you make a life by what you give.”

In business, we often lose sight of what really counts.

“Too often, employers create ways to count, quantify, or measure our worth, yet those methods barely come close to values that really matter,” says Brett.  “We’re measured by performance reviews, evaluations, critiques, the number of widgets produced, sales figures, customers served, or clicks on a website.”

Don’t just blame the boss, says Brett.  Let’s look at ourselves.

“We constantly find ways to measure our worth outside of ourselves and we never measure up.  We obsessively check the number of friends and followers we have on Facebook and Twitter.”

Brett used to count the quantity of messages she receives for a column, in a vain effort to determine how much everything matters.

But she soon realized “there is no way to measure the love that goes into the work that we do or the worth that others see in us.”

Work ethics  

For our work to truly matter, for it to become not just another job but our life’s calling, what more can we do?

“Clear the path for the person who comes after you” like what Doreen did for me and many of her students.

“Expand your comfort zone to make others more comfortable,” like wise founders who patiently guide their successors, instead of criticizing them for every mistake.

Work can be exhausting, but Brett reminds us, “No one can drain you without your permission.”

If colleagues indulge in gossip or envy, “stay clear, stay sane, and stay away.”

If e-mails, tweets, paperwork pile up, for every message, “either act on it, file it, or toss it.”

If pleasing others is paramount, set priorities.  Choose your battles.  Learn to say no, kindly but firmly.

If procrastination is a constant temptation, do the hardest task first while you still have the strength.

We dream of living the perfect life, but postpone it to after we get the MBA, ace the promotion, or earn the next million.

In the meantime, real life, breathtakingly beautiful despite its travails, passes us by.

This coming year, instead of planning a better life, start living it.  Now.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the board of directors of Ateneo de Manila University’s Family Business Development Center.  Get her book “Successful Family Businesses” at the University Press (e-mail [email protected]).  E-mail the author at [email protected].