The gift of resilience

I am so bored,” said Steve (not his real name), who is in his late 20s and leader of the second-generation in the hardware business started by his uncles. “I got an MBA, but here I am, taking care of the store, doing the same thing day in, day out.  I want to leave!”

I handed him Pulitzer finalist Regina Brett’s book “God Is Always Hiring,” and opened it to this line:  “Sometimes the job you want is the job you already have.”

The first day Brett was hired to work in the town newspaper, she cried—not in joy, but in frustration, since she was assigned the business beat.  Brett wanted to do features, but her editor told her, “Give yourself a chance here.  You’ll never regret it.”

So Brett settled covering what she did not like:  farming, insurance, stocks, and somehow managed to change her perspective, and make the boring interesting.

“The secret to any job isn’t to leave when you get bored or restless or irritable, but to stay and make it better.  Sometimes, we simply need to stay put and call it holy ground,” Brett said.

Many people change jobs frequently, and end up hating every single one.

“We all know people like that.  The solution to every problem is to move.  Moving will solve their marital woes, their drinking problem, their employment dilemma, their financial mess, their lack of passion, their surplus of boredom.  A better solution is to change you, not the job.  When you change you, the job automatically changes,” she said.

I quoted Brett: “Most of the time, the only person in your way is you.”

We need to go our own way and stop blaming our parents, teachers, bosses, the economy, the government.

Let us also stop saying “but.”

“But this is the way we’ve always done it… But the boss will never allow it… But the board won’t approve of it… But I’m too old… too young… too inexperienced… too overqualified… too unskilled.”

“Take 100 percent responsibility for your own happiness and success.”

Brett also compares the First World to a yacht floating above the maelstrom of the Third World.  To people who whine their job sucks, traffic is horrendous, or the boss is arrogant, she says:  “Treasure what you have.”

To people who are starving and don’t have a job, the complaints above are superfluous.

“First World problems are not problems.”

Steve was quiet.  Then he asked to read some more.  The book stayed with him for two weeks, by which time he had read it twice, and had gotten his own copy.

For the next month, I guided Steve and his family in incorporating practical compromises that would benefit the first, second and third generations.

Today, Steve is still in the family business, and though he still cannot conceive of their hardware store as holy ground, he is more content.

Fail forward

To anyone at work who fears failure, Brett says, “When you fail, fail forward.”

Failure is inevitable.  But what distinguishes those who succeed from those who do not is resilience.  When they fall, they rise again.

Brett’s husband Bruce, an entrepreneur, has sold bumper stickers and costume jewelry, worked at a steel factory and a catalog showroom, organized street fairs and documentaries, and even managed a synagogue.

Bruce has weathered firings and bankruptcies, yet he picks himself up and starts all over again.

“Failure strips away fear,” says Brett.  “Once you’ve failed, you have nothing left to lose.  You realize that you’re still alive, still breathing, still you, and life goes on.  When you strip your life down to survival mode, you realize you don’t need all that much to survive or to serve others.  You discover what you’re truly made of, and that you’re tougher than you ever knew.”

May the gift of resilience be ours this new year, and for all the years to come.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the board of directors of Ateneo de Manila University’s Family Business Development Center.  Get her book “Successful Family Businesses” at the University Press (e-mail [email protected]).

E-mail the author at [email protected].