Traveling with family

A reader writes:  My sisters and I work hard in our family business, so we bond through travel.  With our spouses and kids, we are 15 in all.  We used to enjoy traveling together, but now it is stressful.  We argue over what to see, buy or eat. Some of my nephews and nieces are unruly.  My younger sister broached the idea of separate vacations this Christmas, but my older sister vetoed it, saying our deceased parents would want us to be together.  What should we do?

Set expectations

Family travel is supposed to be exhilarating, but the reality is often far from ideal.  You can still travel together, as long as you make expectations clear and have a flexible schedule.

If most of you love to go shopping, research on the internet about malls, tourist privileges, outlets.  Let everyone have a say on where to go and how much time to spend at each stop.

The majority should not always have their own way all the time.  Perhaps some kids do not like to shop for clothes, and prefer computers.  Let them focus on their interests while you satisfy yours.

What places excite you as a family?  Are there sites that are meaningful to you, such as your parents’ hometown?

Visiting these sites would generate bonding, particularly if you and your sisters narrate stories of your parents to the younger generation.

Or have each member make a bucket list.  Visiting the Louvre?  Climbing the Great Wall?  Lazing at Boracay?   Going on a Kenyan safari?  Watching the Disney fireworks?

Compromise on a place to accommodate the children’s varied interests.  Young kids may not appreciate museums, just as teens find it pointless to do stuff they have outgrown.

Flexible schedule

Even if you have an itinerary, create some space for individual families. Most of the time, fill the trip with adventures to appeal to as many people as possible, but also include some flexi-time, when family members can take the time to explore places on their own.

For family trips to succeed, each individual has to be satisfied to some extent.  That means that everyone has to have his or her interests catered for, even for short periods.

For example, your family decides to go to Singapore for five days and visit the following areas together, one area a day: Universal Studios, Gardens by the Bay, Chinatown, Orchard Road, Singapore Zoo.

While the above attractions can entertain the whole family, schedule free time for members to indulge their own passions.  Maybe your nephews love animals, and a day at the zoo is not enough.  They can go on the Night Safari with their parents, while you and your kids go to Maxwell Food Center for hawker fare.

Maybe you and your sisters love gardening and shopping.  You visit the Botanic Gardens and The Shoppes at Marina Bay Sands, while your spouses and kids explore Underwater World.

Parenting

Even if you and your sisters are close, and even if the next generation are friends, personality styles and parenting methods differ.

You may expect your children to behave.  But your nephews might be raised in a more permissive environment, which means their parents would not mind if they wrestle each other on the beach.

If you are worried about unruly behavior, be upfront with your sisters (not their spouses or children) in private before the trip, and leave them to supervise their own children.

Do not reprimand your nephews and nieces in any way, unless safety warrants it.

Lighten up.  Try to relax on holidays, especially in the company of loved ones.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the board of directors of the Ateneo de Manila’s Family Business Development Center.  Get her book “Successful Family Businesses” at the University Press (e-mail [email protected]).  E-mail the author at [email protected].