Musings of a frustrated motorist

Another week goes by, and more motoring misadventures come my way.

As I was driving along this Sunday evening, I was wondering why traffic in the Philippines can suddenly appear, then disappear. A good example? Those of you coming from the North and East heading south-west to Makati, Manila and Taguig/Bonifacio Global City encounter the huge traffic bottleneck on Kalayaan-C5 intersection, between the two elevated u-turn flyovers. After passing through the flyovers, it just vanishes.

Another example, coming from Makati via EDSA during peak rush-hour, traffic mysteriously vanishes right after Guadalupe, only to rear its ugly head at the Shaw underpass, all the way to EDSOR, but once past the North-bound flyover, traffic once again vanishes, only to reappear again in Cubao, then past Kamuning and it’s gone.

The answer really is quite simple. Yes, it’s obvious that these areas are traffic congestion zones. But why?

That’s because Filipinos don’t know how to follow their lanes. Add to the fact that Filipinos can drive any way BUT straight, then there goes traffic.

From Libis, up the Pasig flyover down onto the bridge then underneath the U-turn flyovers on C5, the lane is constantly snaking left and right. Up the Pasig flyover, motorists have no choice but to follow the lane, lest they fall on the sides, or careen into the center island, onto incoming traffic, then fall over on the other side. Down the flyover and onto the bridge crossing Pasig River, that’s where the mayhem starts as the two lanes suddenly become four, then five, onto to snake onto the right, be compressed once again to three lanes, with a fourth on the service side of the U-turn flyover heading into Kalayaan. Motorists seem bewildered as to where to pass through. Add the choppy surface atop the bridge itself that resembles a crumpled carpet and cars are suddenly weaving left and right to avoid it. A reader once emailed me to tell me that Filipino motorists lack discipline. I think it’s not that, but simply lack of focus, or just plain ignorance, like a mad herd of cows, or a sheep without a shepherd.

Then you’ve got drifters on the road, during broad daylight, on very slow, very poorly tuned, highly unfashionable (in the enthusiast’s eyes) cars. I’m not talking about those sideways sliding, fire-breathing JDM sports cars. I’m talking about people who straddle two lanes or keep switching lanes at a speed that is just fast enough to avoid being pulled over, yet slow enough to annoy the hell out of most motorists rushing to work or wherever. These drivers probably have confidence issues, unsure of where they want to go and what to do with their lives. Should I overtake or not? Should I speed up, slow down or stop moving? Maybe I should just kill myself?

Compounding the problem most motorists face are kamikaze motorcycle riders who can’t seem to decide on a number of things: do they want to die? Are they actually motorists (ok, motorcyclists) or pedestrians? I’m referring to the typical under-bone motorcycle rider. I fear for these people as most of them seem like they have a death wish. Crossing intersections when their side has the red light on by using the pedestrian crossing lane, then joining into traffic, or zigzagging past slower moving cars before swerving the entire width of a 5-lane highway to make a U-turn. At a pedestrian crossing zone.

Then we’ve got buses who lord it over all of us. An acquaintance of mine, a highly respected architect and avid car enthusiast as well as tuning guru once had two sets of horns installed in his old Lancer Evolution. I asked him why and he said if your horn isn’t loud enough to catch a bus driver’s attention he’ll never hear you, let alone notice you and especially not let you pass in traffic.

Last but not least are motorists who park their vehicles anywhere they please. Did you guys know that at night, the stretch of EDSA along the highly posh and exclusive Dasmariñas Village in Makati becomes one giant taxi depot/parking lot? I’m sure the residents of that exclusive village won’t appreciate that. These taxis are blatantly ignoring the law of the land by illegally parking on EDSA. If they can get away with that, then I’ll definitely keep on trying to break a land speed record on SCTEX, NLEX and SLEX.

So what’s the average, law-abiding motorist going to do? Thus I share the Golden Rule. Do unto others first, before they do unto you.  Overtake slower cars immediately, slow down at an intersection first, honk your (aftermarket and very loud) horn/s at every intersection, and if it’s at night, flash your high beams as well, and assume that every motorists on the road will try to cut you off at every opportunity, so get ahead of everyone else with a safe margin ahead and behind you. You’ll get to every intersection first, be able to cross the intersection first, and get to your destination first before everyone else conspires to delay you. Or worse, prevent you from getting to your destination. Makes sense? I know it doesn’t quite rightly so, but so does traffic in Manila.

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