“It’s not business, but parenting,” says Ryan (not his real name), a Tsinoy director of a theatre family business. Now in his early 40s, Ryan studied in Xavier School before going to the United States for college and work. A decade ago, he returned home to lead the family business.
Many young people would never have returned. With their degrees from top schools, they prefer to join multinational companies or local conglomerates rather than “slave away” in the family business.
Perks such as competitive salary, glamorous positions, travel opportunities, stock options lure many of the young.
They may not have their own business; their elders may sneer that they are “not owners, merely employees”, but because of what they perceive as the archaic and rigid atmosphere in family businesses, they choose to work outside.
Founders have asked me to “talk sense” into their children and grandchildren. Some beg: “Why can’t they see that ultimately, the family business is for them, and their kids?” Some threaten: “He is the eldest son of my eldest son, the most favored grandson. It is his duty as the heir. If he doesn’t join us, he will be cut off from us.” Some are incredulous: “When I finished college, there was no question that I would immediately work for my parents. My son wants to be a photographer! Do we have to feed him for the rest of his life?”
In the case of Ryan, his decision was guided by the way he was raised.
Ryan’s father came from China while his mother is a Tsinoy who went to Immaculate Conception Academy (ICA). They were not typically strict: they gave Ryan and his younger brother freedom to pursue their dreams.
“I had a relatively sheltered childhood,” Ryan says, but his parents did not hover over them the way today’s parents do. Ryan, for instance, would often ride his bike from Mandaluyong to Quezon City, something unheard of today.
When the kids were young, their father would take them to meetings with movie distributors, “so we already had an idea of what our business was.” In high school, Ryan took summer jobs in various places, including Jollibee (“long before it was fashionable to be part of the crew”), serving customers, washing plates and cleaning toilets.
“People have this misconception that Xavier is packed with the elite. Many [are rich], sure, but I am not one of them. We lead simple lives,” he says.
Ryan was “socially-challenged” but his US stint was an eye-opener. He majored in East Asian studies and then spent two years in a culinary school. “I learned to deal with people. I had to be responsible for myself. If things went wrong, there was no one else to blame.”
He started in a restaurant in Boston, working his way up from washing dishes to prepping ingredients to being a chef. When his father visited him, he told Ryan’s mother privately that “he felt bad that Ryan was doing so much manual labor.” It must have broken his father’s heart, but Ryan loved what he did.
But when Ryan’s brother and his family decided to live abroad, Ryan decided to come home.
At first, Ryan was sad. Torn from what he loved, “I did not behave well. No drugs; the gym was an outlet. But I smoked, partied a lot.” It took years, but “I woke up one day and decided to grow up.” He did technological innovations in the family business. He also got married to an ICAn, and they now have a daughter.
“Parents today micro-manage their kids,” says Ryan. “They are not allowed to run or bike; they might fall. Let them fall! Let them fail! Only from failure can we learn. My parents gave me a solid foundation of values, then supported me during my lowest moments. I am grateful for that.”
Ryan warns the older generation: “You cannot really force your kids in work or school. I did not take up Business, and my parents supported me. Historically, many Chinese tend to use money as a tool to wield power. Do not threaten or bribe with money or inheritance; it may not work.”
Ryan deplores materialism.
“Branded clothes and bags, the latest gadgets, the priciest international schools. We surround ourselves with insecure people who latch on to what others say. Superficial! What determines your path is not your school or your course, it is your experiences, your values, which come from how you were raised, how you see your parents act,” he says.
How can the younger generation be enticed into the family business?
“Expose them early to the family business. Let them work outside, find what they want to do. Model family values of simplicity and humility. Then talk to them about pros and cons,” he advises.
No guarantees, but for Ryan at least, this approach has worked marvelously.
Next Friday: A reader feels cheated by siblings
Queena N. Lee-Chua is on the Board of Directors of Ateneo de Manila University’s Family Business Development Center. Get her book “Successful Family Businesses” at the University Press (e-mail msanagustin@ateneo.edu.) E-mail the author at blessbook.chua@gmail.com.