MANILA, Philippines--This being Miercoles Santo, or Spy Wednesday, I thought we should take some time out from the solemnity of Holy Week and have a few laughs, without being irreverent.
How do you think the Twelve Apostles would fare under modern management methods of rating performances?
Funny Bone (http://funnybone.com/bone/archive/95-04-16.shtml) put out what might have been the performance ratings of the Twelve.
To: Jesus, son of Joseph
From: Palestinian Management Consultants Ltd.
Thank you for submitting the resumés of the 12 men you have handpicked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests and we have not only run the results through our computer but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologists and vocational aptitude consultants.
The profiles of all tests are included and you will want to study them carefully. As part of our service we will make some general comments. These are given as a result of staff consultations and come without additional fee.
It is the opinion of the staff that most of your nominees are lacking in background, educational and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you have in mind. They do not have the team concept. We recommend that you continue with your search.
Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The brothers James and John place personal interest above group loyalty. Thomas has a skeptical attitude that would tend to undermine morale. It is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. James and Lebbeus, the sons of Alpheus, have radical leanings and show a high score on the manic-depressive scale.
Only one shows potential ability, resourcefulness, a brilliant business mind, socializes well, has great ambitions and is highly motivated.
We recommend that Judas Iscariot as your controller and right-hand man.
(Sgd.) Caiaphas, CEO
Palestinian Management Consultants Ltd., Jerusalem
Happy Easter all!
