The art of small talk
Don't be a wallflower at Christmas parties
By Sarah Jane Velasco
SME Insight
First Posted 12:53:00 12/20/2007
It's that time of year again when parties, cocktails, and other social gatherings abound. For naturally sociable individuals, the outgoing types, the thought of meeting a lot of new people can be very exciting. But for those who prefer to read a good book in bed in total isolation even on a Friday night, the idea of being among a crowd of strangers can pose a challenge.
Here are a few tips on being a wallflower no more from Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.
PREPARE.
Before going to an event, think of possible topics that you can talk about. It helps if you are abreast with what's going on around you. Be informed and you'll have interesting things to talk about. Likewise, know the purpose of the occasion. A little research might be useful.
INITIATE.
Sometimes, the problem lies not in the lack of interesting topics to talk about but in actually starting a conversation. Waiting for the lady seated next to you to make the first move would get you nowhere. Have the guts to initiate the conversation. Stating a general observation on the event, commenting on the food or location could get things moving.
If initiating a conversation is too much for you, try joining an existing one. But don't just barge in, find the right time when you can air your clever idea on the subject.
FOCUS.
During introductions, take time to look at the person you are being introduced to and repeat the name. By doing this, you will most likely remember which name goes with whom.
ACT NATURAL.
You did prepare for the occasion and even made a mental note of interesting things to talk about. But remember to act natural. Don't look like someone who rehearsed a script the night before.
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR NONVERBALS.
It's equally important that you look at ease and confident so people would also feel the same about you.
REMEMBER THE BASICS.
A conversation is a two-way process. Take time to listen to the other person as well. As the clich‚ goes, having two ears and only one mouth is a hint enough that we should listen more. Keeping eye contact also means that you're sincere.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.
When in a party, it's better if you can get acquainted with as many people as you can. A chitchat is termed as such because it has to end somewhere. Have a few exit lines ready and make sure to do it with grace.
Having good conversation skills is not an exact science where there are tried and tested rules to follow. Constant practice will help sharpen your communication skills. As international motivational speaker and trainer Debra Fine puts it, "Every conversation is an opportunity for success." And true enough, you never know where that interesting chitchat would lead to.
Debra Fine, is the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk (Hyperion 2005). She presents keynotes and seminars on conversational skills and networking techniques internationally. Contact Debra at 303-721-8266 or visit her web site at www.DebraFine.com.
(Excerpt from SME Insight's November-December 2007 issue.)
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