Thoughts on dating a carless guyBy Jeanette Ipapo-Tuason
Philippine Daily Inquirer
Yes, I know it sounds so Stone Age, backdated and totally superficial. How can you discount a chance of true love with just the issue of transportation? Why would hailing a cab in your mini-skirt in a darkened part of town at 3 a.m. be such a deciding factor in your quest for “the one”? Why would standing on the jeepney line in your 5-inch Blahniks set a tone for a potentially sweet, lasting love story?
Times have changed. We women are so empowered that we can actually take our pick: Would I go for somebody I want to drive home, or do I want to be the one driven home? Yes, it sounds so judgmental and superficial but there are other factors to be considered before we can write off a possible candidate if he is carless.
Age factor. If you have a cougar tendency, eyeing a carless boylet is forgivable. In fact, be prepared to give not just a lift, but also phone loads, clothes, etc., but if he’s closing in on 30 and doesn’t have wheels yet, then maybe he is either not in a hurry to secure stability or just extremely unlucky. Having a car is like the first order of business as soon as the first hair of puberty grows; puberty to the 30s is long enough to be able to make enough money for a form of transportation if they were hardworking and smart enough. There are of course exceptions to the rules, like a transient Brazilian-Japanese model or a billionaire-gone-green, bicycle-riding guy, just make sure your return on investment in kind is worth your fuel and time.
Ability to provide. Nature made the female species to be attracted to the strongest in the pack. This is to ensure the continuation of the species. Having a car is a sign that this guy has the capability for big purchases and has an ability to provide, has a stable job to pay for the monthly loan payment. Since women are so empowered that they are sometimes more successful, they might say that being carless is not a handicap, because they have a car anyway. Some guys might feel they won the lotto, for getting the girl and a car, but nine out of 12 guys I asked said this is going to be the root of a lot of disputes later on, when the honeymoon stage is over and reality sets in. Women want to feel cherished and taken care of, men need to feel they can provide, so if you are going to go this route, make sure there are other ways he would adequately be providing and that you are in no way going to “bitchslap” this to his face when you are fighting.
Safety and mobility. Seven out of 10 women cited this as the reason why having no car is a bit unattractive. Unlike other countries, where the public transportation is quite sophisticated, public transportation here does not encourage dressing up, which is essential in going out. In fact, to be appropriately dressed to brave the public transport you need to be in full battle gear; not only is it a jungle out there, there is a war going on as well. Yes, taking a cab is also an option, but imagine you having a dinner reservation, which means it’s rush hour, how long will you stand out there to get one? Your “eau de fresh shower” scent has already become “eau de MMDA in the sun” before you get into a Christmas-tree-scented cab. Some parents would also feel comfortable if their daughter’s boyfriend had cars as well; it’s more of being sure that late at night they don’t need to scramble for public transport. Although there are some exceptions to the rule such as drunk driving or having their own private motel, at the end of the day parents always want a better life for their kids. And sometimes, status quo objects are the easiest representation of being able to provide security.
Practical vs. superficial. All of the men agree that there is a difference between you not wanting to date a guy without a car and you dating him depends on the brand or make of his car. When you start introducing your boyfriend to your friends like, “This is Paul, he drives a Ferrari,” or answers the questions if he is good-looking with, “He has a Ferrari,” then maybe we have a bit of gold-digging issues. Wanting to have a comfortable life or a better one is not a crime. We all want to be comfortable and have a good place in society; social climbers are looked down upon by people who did it successfully. Everybody had or has done a little social climbing to have a better life, to have access to more money. But when this becomes your motivation or measuring cup for men, then be prepared to be disappointed. Like cars there is always a newer and more coveted model the next year.
He is not his car. Yes and no. Could we judge Prince Charming on how bling-bling his diamond-studded carriage or how handsome his horse is? Could we say James Bond is a cool spy if he’s driving a stainless jeep? Like our physical feature, these are the first things that make an impression. A swanky BMW- or Audi-driving guy would probably get the most sideward glances from those long-legged, hot women, but in the long haul, might not get the everlasting love, when the woman learns that Prince Charming’s diamonds are actually faux and James Bond’s “stainless jeep” is actually made of platinum and transforms to an Aston Martin Vanquish—you wouldn’t really know until you do the ride.
In the end it all boils down to what you like and what you can take, although in the movies the poor man always gets the rich girl after he becomes a revenge-motivated, stinky rich gazillionaire and fairy tales always had a girl marry a rich prince before ending happily ever after. Love is supposed to conquer all, including the ever-increasing gas price and the lone journey home.
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